The Crucible
For those that read Part 1, you’ve been introduced on a cursory level to Ren and his song that went viral, garnering him some much deserved and long overdue attention. Most people who have watched “Hi Ren” understandably come away with questions. I certainly did.
Though he briefly explains some of his history in the spoken word portion of the song, the full gravity of what he was forced to go through due to his misdiagnosis, was devastating on a level that most of us will never have the displeasure of experiencing.
Be Thankful for that.
What will witness in the video below is true despair. A lost soul whose hopes continued to be dashed upon the rocks. A young man brought to his breaking point.
It is heartbreaking.
Young Ren, early 20’s, well before he was finally diagnosed correctly with having Lyme’s disease. When he recorded this video, he still had no answers. No one was able to tell him what was wrong. Most told him it was likely mental and not physical, which ultimately led to him having a psychotic break, yet… still no answers.
This was Ren at his lowest.
Be warned, its not an easy watch.
Fortunately , this was also the time that Ren started to turn his pain into art.
He persevered through his music. Converting his pain into power.
Could it get worse? Sadly… YES.
Another life altering event that Ren had to navigate during those years was the loss of 2 of his closest friends. One to a cliff-diving “misadventure”, and the other to suicide. This is something that deeply affected him, especially the loss of his “best mate”, Joe. The impact still obvious even today.
Here is the story in Ren’s own words.
“On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the jukebox and put Dig by Incubus on.”
“If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe I’d have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said Happy Christmas and left.”
“Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the Isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialing then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone.”
“As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late.”
“Joe’s body was never found.”
“Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body.”
“As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, Freckled Angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.”
“My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew.”
Ren has since written additional songs in honor of both friends he lost. His collaboration on the song “I forgot how to be me”, with long time friend and fellow musician, “Chinchilla” is simply haunting.
For Joe.
Misdiagnosed with an illness that kept him virtually bed-ridden for months on end, wracked with pain and fatigue, ultimately leading to a psychotic break.
Lost two friends within 6 months of each other, including his closest, whose body was never found. No closure.
Unable to fulfill his obligations to the sub-label of SONY that signed him, he was released from his contract. His career halted in it’s tracks before it even had a chance to begin. An seemingly cruel “rug pull”.
His world had effectively collapsed around him.
Yet he never gave up. There is an enviable inherent strength in that.
“I… want to take these tattered wings, hold ‘em high,
banished from the heavens, but I’m knocking on the sky.”
(-“Illest of our Time” -from the “Sick Boi” album)
What could be more inspiring than to see the success he’s now attained through his sheer determination and perseverance? Forged in Fire.
What follows is an excerpt from an interview Ren did with “The Darkness” front-man and guitarist, Justin Hawkins. This was shortly after “Hi Ren” went viral and gives a brief personal retelling of what his experiences were and what he went through during the worst years of his illness, including SONY dropping him, up until that day he was finally diagnosed correctly.
Final Thoughts
I’m in awe of this young man. Not just because of the battles he’s survived, and continues to fight to this day, but because of his indomitable will and his undeniably immense level of talent, the latter which will be explored more in Part 3. (This is when the story gets happier)
I’m proud to say that I am an unabashed “Renegade”.
I will never stop supporting this artist. He’s earned my commitment.
With that, one final video (one of my favorites), it’s another from well before Ren attained any level of notoriety, but again showcases his talents. Keep in mind that Ren writes all of his own lyrics,composes all the music, creates all the beats, plays all the instruments, and produces both the music as well as the videos. He is a multi-faceted, true independent artist.
“Ready for You”, another inspiring example of a positive mind set of perseverance amid no promise of anything getting better.
“How am I meant to pray when my hands are nailed down?”